Cairo, Egypt

Georgia and I headed off to Cairo after an unreasonable early start. Five hours and two time zones later, we arrived and the airport experience was extremely swift. The visa on arrival was quite amusing. You can apply to an e-visa prior to travel, or elect to get one at Cairo airport. We chose the latter and the process involved handing over $25 each, and being handed a visa sticker. That was it. No forms, no questions, no grumpy official.

I’d arranged a transfer through Viator which showed a sleek looking people carrier. We ended up with a rather less impressive vehicle, but it was relatively inexpensive.

Our first two nights were at the Marriott Mena House which has hosted Tony Blair, Will Smith, and Julio Iglesias, amongst others.

Mena House is a stones throw from the pyramids which are located in Giza, around 12 miles west of Cairo. We dined outside with views of the two largest pyramids.

The following morning we were met by Lydia who was our 24 year old Christian tour guide. Just us on a private tour. Apparently Egypt is 10% Christian. We headed off early before the heat became too much for Georgia. Ten minutes later we were on the Giza Plateau where the three remaining pyramids are located. At one time there were six, but the three smaller ones (dedicated to wives and dignitaries), were not really pyramids anymore due to their shape. I’d liken them to irregular trapeziums if questioned by a pushy geometrist.

After the obligatory tour chat at the welcome centre, we headed for a camel ride. Only 20 minutes so not too much of a strain on the buttocks. Then to the main event.

I didn’t realise, but the pyramids are relatively solid. It’s not like you walk inside to find a cavernous space like the Luxor Hotel in Vegas (minus the slot machines). They are basically burial mounds: rather large ones, but mounds nonetheless. I have to say, I was a little disappointed from an engineering perspective. I had always marvelled at these self-supporting structures. We entered the smallest one where Menkaure was once buried. A series of long slopes take you underground and the reward at the end of it is a room with concrete walls, concrete floors and a concrete ceiling. Nothing to see here. There are more features inside my man-shed.

They were constructed around 2500 BC for three rulers of the 4th dynasty – Khufu (son of the first ruler of the 4th dynasty, Sneferu), his son Khafre (who married his own sister), and his son Menkaure (died at 28 years old). Khufu had the biggest one (according to his mistress). Khafre’s was only a little smaller, and as for Menkaure, his was a tiddler by comparison. Another keen fact – only the Great Pyramid of Giza is regarded as one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. The other two don’t count. And it’s the only one still standing, or hanging, or straddling, or illuminating.

The great pyramid is made of 2.5 million rocks which are roughly 3ft cubed and weigh 2.5 tonnes each. 100,000 men were employed over a 20 year period. We had the chance to go inside this one too, but we declined. One empty concrete room is enough for one day.

Last was the Sphinx which stands in line with the Khafre’s pyramid. It was rather busy and extremely hot by this stage and I wasn’t sure Georgia was going to make it.

There are other pyramids dotted around Egypt – 118 in total built between 2630 BC to 1500 BC. After that pyramid building seemed go out of fashion. Nowadays Egyptians prefer to build ghastly looking apartment blocks in the same dirty brown. For added colour, they dry their clothes from balconies. A little more for pyramid enthusiasts. Sudan has the most at 255, Egypt comes in second with the USA third with 35. The UK has one, located in Scotland. The angle of the pyramids in Giza is around 51-52 degrees. The Sudanese are far more severe ranging from 68-73 degrees with one at 81 degrees.

The following morning we headed to the pool area which was splendid. Sumptuous cushioning made the experience divine as did Abdul bringing cold drinks every 30 minutes. We checked out late and hopped in an Uber to our Nile accommodation – the Marriott Omar Khayyam complete with casino.

The Omar Khayyam was much busier with lots of entitled Egyptians strutting around in Balenciaga trainers. After settling in, we went for a stroll around the surrounding streets. This was central Cairo and clearly more affluent. Still scruffy, but affluent squalor.

Georgia returned to the hotel and I went into Harry’s Pub which was like being in a pub in Oxfordshire. Very authentic. During my wandering I had come across the same traffic cop twice. Abdo was a nice chap and decided to give me his phone number. His English was non-existent so I did wonder what we might talk about. I resisted the temptation.

On Sunday we left early for some sightseeing. Our very reasonable taxi driver was the first not to try to fleece me. I tipped him a whole $2 which doubled the fare. We were first up the Cairo Tower and had the elevator to ourselves. The 62 floor tower was the tallest building in Egypt until 1998, when a taller one was built. There are no usable floors in the tower other than the restaurant and viewing platform. The lift just goes straight to the top. Great views of the Nile and the surrounding city (which looked much nicer from a great height).

Next up was one of the largest souks in Cairo; the Khan El Khalili. It was Georgia’s first experience of one of these fascinating retail experiences. Sadly, many shops were closed as it was a Sunday, but she got the idea. Lots of stalls in narrow alleys selling very similar stuff. She bought a carved wooden donkey from a 12 year old boy. Georgia doesn’t like to haggle, neither does she like me haggling, especially with a 12 year old boy. I told her that this is what they do, and if you don’t haggle you’re insulting them. That’s why nothing has a price tag.

We headed back and jumped in what we thought was a taxi. Very few taxis have any markings. It’s as if everyone in Cairo could be a taxi driver if the mood took them. This guy might have been one of them. I told him where we wanted to go, but he started heading in the wrong direction. I thought he might know a short cut, or a route with less traffic, but after ten minutes I was alarmed. I was following on my phone’s Satnav and he was clearly clueless. We were heading to the airport in the wrong direction. I spoke up and eventually gave him my phone with the directions, which he held for the rest of the journey, only making two errors. I had assumed arrows were the same in any language.

I have to mention the roads in Cairo . Most of the main roads have a number of lanes. It’s not always clear how many because there is an absence of dividing lines. I think this allows Egyptian drivers to choose whether they want to use three lanes or squeeze together and make it five lanes. Nearly every vehicle has some kind of dent or scrape. Where there were lines, they were feint, and merely a suggestion.

I spent the afternoon by the pool followed by Crystal Palace winning the Community Shield against Liverpool in Harry’s Pub. I know what you’re thinking. What were Crystal Palace doing in Harry’s Pub. Comma error. Superb Scotch Egg that Georgia ordered. Best I’ve ever tasted. Cut in half with a glistening soft boiled egg in the middle.

I’m not sure why, but Georgia wasn’t interested in a smoke filled casino full of swarthy Egyptian men. I spent 90 minutes there before the swarth got to me too.

Our last morning was reserved for vitamin D so we headed to the pool early. Georgia lasted an hour before melting. It reached 40c in the afternoon which to anyone born before 1970 is 103f. I hit the Diet Pepsi hard.

We left for the airport in the afternoon and were singled out for random fast-track treatment by a couple of enterprising chaps in red waistcoats. It must have saved us an hour and I handed them a sufficient tip. The lounge was most pleasing except for the non-existent alcohol. I made up for it on the plane though.